My training as an expert in dealing with difficult behaviors was perhaps originally inspired early in my own childhood. At the age of two, I proudly sang a song for my mother that I had practiced for days. It was my sacred gift. But my mother had deep insecurities and my little presentation pushed her in a direction that bewildered me for years. Rather than applaud my
effort, she began to sing the song loudly over me, drowning me out. I shut up and closed myself off. Her response was to say that I had “lost my voice.” This left a negative impression on me and throughout my childhood, while many other events occurred, that phrase became a symbolic message of destruction to my self-esteem.
Eventually, I found my own healing and ended up bringing my voice into its fullness when I became a member of the Choeur Classique de l’Outaouais and toured and performed in Europe singing at Notre-Dame Cathedral, Madeleine Church and Luxembourg Garden in Paris, Sankt Jacobi and Sankt Michaelis churches in Hamburg, Sankt Marien in Lübeck, and Rockenhof in Volksdorf, Germany.
Those early events in our lives, however, often take a destructive toll far beyond what any one incident or even series of incidents may seem to warrant. In the formative years, the cause of low self-esteem can be emotional abuse, neglect, or in more severe cases, the origin can be childhood trauma such as sexual or physical abuse, disasters, severe illness or bereavement. All of these experiences send a message to the child that the world around them cannot be trusted and that they are intrinsically not safe.
For me, the events of my childhood, some subtle and some dramatic, began to lay the foundation for a pattern of attracting abuse and being under the control of others. It took me years of research, education, practice, teaching and reflection to identify and unearth the hidden faces of manipulation and covert aggression that negatively impact people every day throughout the world.
Brené Brown points out in Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead: “I think we can all agree that feeling shame is an incredibly painful experience. What we often don’t realize is that perpetrating shame is equally as painful, and no one does that with the precision of a partner or a parent…but the truth is that those shaming comments leave marks. And shaming someone we love around vulnerability is the most serious of all security breaches. Even if we apologize, we’ve done serious damage because we’ve demonstrated our willingness to use sacred information as a weapon.”
I understand that people can’t resolve and repair what they can’t identify. In my professional career, I help others recognize the faces of difficult and abrasive personalities and to strengthen themselves from within. With training and coaching, they can more successfully handle the issues of dealing with difficult personalities and live a much fuller and happier life—regardless of the past. What is important to me is to make this information and experience available to the largest possible audience so that others can effectively heal their own lives and achieve their dreams.
Jocelyne Durand is a keynote speaker and consultant who provides exceptional one-on-one specialized coaching for individuals and also provides executive consulting. She regularly is called upon to provide private sessions for individuals. In addition, she does corporate executive consulting and coaching to achieve greater harmony and balance with high level business talent. She offers an extensive executive program that often leads to higher levels of cooperation and success in the workplace. In addition, she offers specialized analysis and individualized personal or executive consulting, and serves as an executive coach for abrasive leaders.
